Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
