I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
