i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i think my cat just said my name.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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