he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
