Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
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