Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
