Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
