I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
