Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
