What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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