He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
