I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
