it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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