i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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