Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
