people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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