So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
