Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
