Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
