I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
