So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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