Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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