You just made me feel so damn special
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
