Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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