We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
