It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
