i barfeds in our rink
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
