I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's the barista slut.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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