We won't sleep together?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
