please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
