i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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