Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
