Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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