You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
