Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize