Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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