can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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