i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
