We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize