They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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