Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize