oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize