I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
