Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
