We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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