My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
