I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
