He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
