hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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