in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
