so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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