Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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