8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
