Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
