i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
