I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This show inspires me to have sex in space
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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