Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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