How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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