Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
