you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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