went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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