oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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