My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
