I can't watch pbs sober anymore
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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