I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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