just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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