i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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