Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
