she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Come on in and take your pants off
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