I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize