I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
