New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
