i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I intend to get homeless drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
