Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize