Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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