They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
