just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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