Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize