so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
