im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
