watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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