I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
