i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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