what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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