i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
