you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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