Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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