You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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