We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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