Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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