I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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