whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
