my mouth tastes like poor choices
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
