I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
