What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
