hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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