its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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