naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
