i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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