Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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