remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
